Charlie Mariano’s Daughter

I’m not sure if Russia is well known for it’s espresso. Perhaps it is.

In 1980, when coffee culture in this country was a matter of isolated pockets in our big cities or college towns, I got a job as a barista and sandwich maker at a Russian cafe in Cambridge, Massachusettes. We sat a block away from the Harvard quad and were mostly frequented by students, faculty, and tourists. But we also had loyal customers that worked in Cambridge and came in for coffee and conversation, favoring our cluttered ambiance over the chain cafe half a block away. We stayed busy.

The owners were a Russian family that treated us well. The manager was a friendly young blond woman named Sally Rose who had been there for many years already and who the owners seemed to treat as a daughter. SR loved them, and their little dark cafe, and wanted the rest of us who worked there to feel the same. She came in early in the morning to cut Black Forest cakes and came back late to be sure that we left everything shipshape for the morning.

I enjoyed the cafe, though I know now that as a barista I had my shortcomings. With practice I made a decent latte, but even over time they were artless and inconsistant. But in 1980 one could get away with such blasphemy. Even so, I worked there long enough, and with enough cheerfulness and due dilegence that I earned the affection of the owners, and Sally Rose, and our regulars. And at 23 I was trying to be happy.

There are two regulars I still think about now, more than a few years later. One I remember for her hands, the other for her eyes.

Hands was a woman who came in most afternoons for an espresso. She was quiet, yet friendly. I remember the first time I waited on her, and how I took her order, tamped her grind, pressed steam into her cup and turned to hand her her drink. She reached into her purse for some money, but as she handed me the bills I saw hands that were as black as the purse’s leather.

I wondered for weeks how this white woman had a black woman’s hands. Finally I decided to take a break while she sat at a small table, and asked if I could join her. She smiled when I asked about her hands, and explained that she repaired typewriters. I wonder what she may be doing now....

Eyes was another young woman, and a beauty. Being shy, I don’t remember how I ever ended up sitting with her on a break; the expression “out of my league” comes to mind. But we shared a table by the window and I asked her about her life. She explained she was an artist, and the daughter of a jazz musican. When I asked if it was anyone I would know, she said her dad played saxaphone with Eberhardt Weber. “Oh, you’re talking about Charlie Mariano!” She seemed pleasantly surprised that I would know.

Bass player Eberhardt Weber recorded for a European label named ECM that was a big deal in my college circles. Spare instrumental music from a cold, snowy place (Germany) was a perfect fit for our cold, snowy, college town (in New Hampshire). An ECM record was weather coming out of your speakers; the clear air of a winter morning, snow falling more slowly than possible, or the simple serenity of night giving way to dawn. ECM jazz was beautiful, tended to the uncluttered, and featured album covers that were usually abstract photos bearing no particular connection to the music within. Except that they were a perfect reflection of that music.

And as I sat with Charlie Mariano’s daughter, her eyes were a perfect reflection of the winter that was a young man’s lonliness. She smiled at me, and they changed into a window to all that was beautiful.

For Tad

Less than a month ago, on October 25, I lost a friend. The last 20 years I didn't see as much of Tad as I would have liked, but in days before we shared things that have always made me feel close to him. This story is one of those experiences.

I didn't hear about Tad's death until several days had gone by. I found out about the gathering in his memory hours after it had wrapped. But below is what I would like to have shared.

Tad Merrick. A good man.

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In 1992 Tad and I took a long hike together out of Sequoia National Park in the Sierras. With a few other of Tad’s California friends we hiked the High Sierra trail for several days, over the Great Western Divide and into the Kaweah Basin. We had several beautiful days there before the others had to go, leaving Tad and I to spend another week exploring. We climbed Mount Stewart and Eagle Scout Peak, each a story unto itself. Then we headed south to Little Five Lakes, which would be our new base camp.

The funny thing was that neither Tad nor I had a camera on this trip. Tad was one of the most serious, and best, photographers I knew, and I’ve carried a camera with me most of my life too. I did buy a cheap disposable camera before we left, but I used it up in the first two days as we passed Angel Wings, Valhalla, and Hamilton Lake... some of the most beautiful places in the Sierra, or anywhere. But time after time, especially after our other friends had left, Tad and I would be staring off and mentioning what an amazing picture we were missing... the alpenglow on Black Kaweah mountain in the minutes after sunset, the early morning glow filling the basin as if the rocks themselves were emitting light. Seeing a herd of wild deer high on Eagle Scout. We started a little practice between the two of us -- when either of us saw an opportunity for a photo we would both pause, look, breathe, and let the vision sink deeply into our memories.

We already had quite a few of these images stored in our grey-matter film by the time we found a lovely campsite above one of the Little Five Lakes. We set up our camp... me with my little tent, Tad with his characteristic tarp on the ground and a little rainfly above his sleeping bag just to keep off the dew. As I remember we had finished making and eating dinner, soaking in the charms of our new spot, when we heard the sounds of breaking twigs nearby. We investigated, carefully, and from a distance saw a bear approach an old fallen log that wasn’t far from our camp. He started to paw at the rotten wood, and as we watched he licked the newly exposed areas, having a snack of the bugs there. It was pretty fascinating to watch...

When the bear had his fill, he started to wander again, this time toward our camp. Fortunately we had hung our food, so we were not too worried about that. But as we watched he started to explore our stuff, sniffing our cooking pots, coming close to my tent, and then heading to Tad’s tarp. He walked around it, then started to paw the bag. He went to the head and when he stuck his nose right into the bag Tad decided that was enough. Following the recommended protocol he grabbed some rocks and started to throw them near, but not at, the bear. I joined in too... We got his attention, and, in no great rush, he squinted at us and then lumbered downhill, away from the camp and toward the lake. Tad went over to make sure that his bag was OK, which it was, and we looked at each other and laughed. It was a pretty cool thing to have witnessed.

We went to the edge of our campsite to see if we could spot him again, and for the first few minutes thought we may not. We could hear him, but not see him. Just the lake, and the mountains beyond started to gather rosy light from the setting sun behind us.

And then he appeared. He appeared at the lake’s edge, then wandered toward a little peninsula that jutted into the waters. In no great rush he made his way toward the tip, where it was only a few feet wide. There he paused, and then started to have a drink.

From where we sat, everything fell into perfect synchronicity. There was the bear, in perfect silhouette. There was the bear’s reflection before him, in the perfectly still waters. There were the high Sierra peaks beyond, also reflected, now deeply colored with that light that you only experience at 10,000 feet, and only the briefest while at sunset.

We looked at each other, and looked back. We paused. We breathed.


I miss you, Tad. Be well. I hope the light where you are is just like the light then, and your tarp is safe.

Weather Report: Snow

There's a descending motif in the Let it Grow section of Weather Report Suite, by the Grateful Dead, that always makes me think of the slow fall of snow from the sky. As it began to snow this afternoon, I put it on. I looked out the window as that riff arrived, and all was in concert.

First Heat

The first heat of Spring arrives, and the bulbs and grass surge, the cats head for the shadows, and I pull out the music that saunters. No rush to get anywhere. Phillips, Grier and Flinner have several albums together, but Looking Back is my current favorite. They respectfully cover the Beatles (I Want You) and Hendrix (Little Wing) with a touch that is only possible because of their great musicianship. They take their time, and honor the mood of the original while stamping it their own. Why does warm weather make me want to listen to this...? Therein the mystery.

Kelly Joe Cool Spring

The spring dances haphazardly round the Beltane pole, uncertain about whether to commit to a bloom or send frost and snow down the back of schoolkids jackets, shivers down their spines that beat to the pulse of Kelly Joe Phelps "Tap The Red Cane Whirlwind."